Poetry

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My first post. This one is bittersweet to me. I'm thinking back on an old friendship of mine which I ended. Jack never did anything explicitly wrong, but I had a gnawing anxiety in the back of my head surrounding him, so I stopped replying to his texts and eventually I stopped thinking of him all together- that is, of course, until recently. There's so much that I could say about Jack, but I think he was too great to me to properly describe him here, or anywhere or in any way. I think he is the kind of person who you have to experience. Regardless of the current state of our nonexistent relationship, I am happy to have experienced him. He gave me what I wanted out of a friendship in a time when I needed it. All that I have left of him now is the drawing I made of him (the one in the background of the poem), and the characters we made up together who exist in the story we never got to write for them. I do feel guilty for not giving him any closure, but maybe one day he will stumble upon this, and maybe he'll read it. If by some turn of events that actually happens, Jack, I hope you know the impact you left on me and I hope you know that I am grateful for it.

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I wrote this a few months ago while I was in my last relationship. At the time, I wrote it just for the sake of writing something, but now through the lense of hindsight, I realize that this poem was more personal and meaningful that I was orignally aware. I think for this poem, my subconscious took over and thus I told my deepest secret- the injustices I knew to be true my in heart that I wasn't ready to admit to even myself. I was, at times forcing vulnerability and making myself shut up and take the pain all in the hopes that a person who didn't truly care for me, or see me the way I wanted to be seen, wouldn't leave me. Unsurprisingly, they left me anyway in the end. I allowed myself to be used becuase at least I felt like I was wanted and I was okay despite the obvious nefarious intentions. I don't think a few months ago I loved myself very much so I needed someone else to tell me that they did. In rereading this, I do feel a sense of embarrassment and a little heartbreak for my younger self. I didn't deserve all of that mistreatment, but I also didn't have to take it. I see that now. In any case, I chose to share this poem in particular over the plethora of other poems about my ex becuase, if someone else out there is reading this and relating to it- I hope you know that you don't deserve mistreatment either and you sure as hell do not have to take it. Love is something I think everyone innately craves in some way, but as cliche as it sounds, you have to love yourself the way you want to be loved first. That way you can seperate the bullshit from sincerity and you won't be so afraid to lose people who can't or won't love the way you deserve. Alright, this is becoming long enough lol. bye <3

I wrote this a few months ago while I was in my last relationship. At the time, I wrote it just for the sake of writing something, but now through the lense of hindsight, I realize that this poem was more personal and meaningful that I was orignally aware. I think for this poem, my subconscious took over and thus I told my deepest secret- the injustices I knew to be true my in heart that I wasn't ready to admit to even myself. I was, at times forcing vulnerability and making myself shut up and take the pain all in the hopes that a person who didn't truly care for me, or see me the way I wanted to be seen, wouldn't leave me. Unsurprisingly, they left me anyway in the end. I allowed myself to be used becuase at least I felt like I was wanted and I was okay despite the obvious nefarious intentions. I don't think a few months ago I loved myself very much so I needed someone else to tell me that they did. In rereading this, I do feel a sense of embarrassment and a little heartbreak for my younger self. I didn't deserve all of that mistreatment, but I also didn't have to take it. I see that now. In any case, I chose to share this poem in particular over the plethora of other poems about my ex becuase, if someone else out there is reading this and relating to it- I hope you know that you don't deserve mistreatment either and you sure as hell do not have to take it. Love is something I think everyone innately craves in some way, but as cliche as it sounds, you have to love yourself the way you want to be loved first. That way you can seperate the bullshit from sincerity and you won't be so afraid to lose people who can't or won't love the way you deserve. Alright, this is becoming long enough lol. bye <3